Strong-Arm
These clouds move swiftly with ease
And I feel them reflecting
The internal horizontal shift moving
In the marrow of our relationship
An energy twisting our insides
Into chain links but broken
And missing connection
Have you ever seen a tear through a fence
As if a beast of a creature was so frightened,
It just blasted through the metal braids
Bending them back into curled steel lips?
That’s how my heart felt the minute you decided
That forgiving me wasn’t worth it
But I understand that my feelings are not
Your responsibility
The same exact way that your disease was not
Something I was equipped to carry
Because what I didn’t have the courage
To tell you was that same ailment
That you were navigating
Was the same sickness that I was personally
Terrified of unveiling
I was sick too but I was afraid to explain that to you
Horrified at the thought of feeding each other’s disease
Because sometimes, I know that friendships bond
Over open wounds and broken promises
And I knew that I couldn’t save you
But I was conscious enough to know
That if we carried on between those walls any longer
I would be nothing more for you than your enabler
As soon as I noticed the twists and turns
Of our destructive patterns
I found a way to quiet my demons for just one moment
If only to ruthlessly break your heart
And though it was known that hurting you was going to
Wreck the two of us with shame, I knew
That a strong-arm was
The only way that I understood how to love you
